under construction slash I'm moving

http://tracyatthewell.tumblr.com/

new year. new perspectives. new site.

thanks for the cooperation.

made new,

Tracy

Music takes me places

As a firm believer in the art we call a tune, good music should still be good music despite perhaps the song's root of discovery--even if it's a tall tale movie about bloodsuckers.

Bon Iver alone has been a personal fav for a while so I support whatever endeavors they engage in. So do me a solid and

1. get a hold of the track, Roslyn by Bon Iver & St. Vincent.

2. lay down and close your eyes or go for a walk (mentally, or actually) in a picturesque scene, ideally involving tall trees and with a cooler than cool mild gusts blowing, while listening to it.

3. let your life in the few moments, soak up every note sung and every chord strummed.

4. Embrace both the celebrations and concerns that might come to mind.

Lost in the forests I call my mind,

T

Self-realization of the day

It's not about me, when often I am very adamant it is. Then it leads to this cycle of what I think is best for me and why I should be doing this or having that, which then consequently leads me to my great dramatic demise(s) and disappointments.

For now, I will keep the Carly Simon's musical endeavors on the side of the road.

Though the song isn't about me, the Arizona borderline is.

Love & some verses

Ode to Walt Whitman and his understanding of my 22 years young heart.

Come my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Have the elder races halted?
Do they droop and end their lesson, wearied over there beyond the seas?
We take up the task eternal, and the burden and the lesson,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

All the past we leave behind,
We debouch upon a newer mightier world, varied world,
Fresh and strong the world we seize, world of labor and the march,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We detachments steady throwing,
Down the edges, through the passes, up the mountains steep,
Conquering, holding, daring, venturing as we go the unknown ways,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We primeval forests felling,
We the rivers stemming, vexing we and piercing deep the mines within,
We the surface broad surveying, we the virgin soil upheaving,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

December, what the what?

I expected a lot to come with the entrance of good ol' December. Many if not most things remain the same. How is that discouraging? How is it not the pessimist T asks. Lately I have had to make actual lists of things I'm grateful for and/or an itemized list of 12 why Jesus deserves my adoration. Things come up of course, but they are currently small. I blame the fact that my contacts are overdue to be renewed. But still, I cannot grasp a stable hold of my unmoving vehicle. Why is it so bumpy when its not even moving?

The job hunt continues to be my everest. And I have on a faux North Face, so easily it's definitely too cold for this climb. jfdhauishsohiws. It's actually gotten to a point where I considered being a yoga instructor or a chiropractic technician because those positions seem to be rampant in orange county. Time has flown and I can hardly catch up my breath. And yet I still have no idea how I am supposed to seek the Kingdom and all that is righteous.

I want to change the world, but still I sleep.

I'm either sleeping via daydreaming or going to the gymnasium. Unfortunately, less body fat does not fulfill my wonderment. But since it's the most wonderful time of the year, I will let the snow fall aka, hot winds, on my face and thank the good Lord for another day with laughter, friends, family, and good coffee.

Thanks for letting me take you on my usual roller coaster of self wallowing to outward praising. It's necessary I've learned and you've read it yourself.

This is about a girl who wants to change the world. So I will get up, since my faith has made me well.

Counting reindeers and blessings,

Tracy

Today I am human

Assuming I have an old alarm clock and make coffee every morning, I definitely woke up late and never plugged in the Mr. Coffee this morning. Or at least that was the vibe that was set for me today.

I interviewed at what seemed to be repetitiveville to where I attended to my failed attempts to find an actual place with actual interest and validity and actual income. To momentarily forget my efforts, I took myself to the Spectrum to do some retail therapy. I wish I catered to my physical health than my physical clothe but it is what is, I ams who I ams. Unfortunately, I was able to find some steals to ease my burdensome heart, but I was left still feeling defeated, plus more broke. And though I rarely admit defeat, today I was human. And all I could see was

And I let it get me down for a solid hour (this was during the time I was probably contemplating a quarter button-up striped men's tee, but still aching of course). And I actively kept in mind today's bible devotional and how it was about not complaining, because I ain't no Izzyraelite. But there I was, caught in the act. I guess I wasn't blatantly complaining, but it's clear now I was disguising it with an attitude of exhaustion and defeat. But I am human, and thank the Lord, He is a little more useful that I. So I took about two handfuls of deep breathes to realize again, He is good. And He wants me to see passed the instant picture. And that I just have to either focus or roll the window down.

Learning & Trusting,

T

What I've been up to

www.examiner.com/anaheim

Do me a solid1 and check out my first online article.

And maybe be an avid fan and continue to check while I work my little heart to produce something fashion worthy to read.2

Aside from dreaming to be a writer and discreetly threatening you readers to read even more of my foolishness, I've also taken an interest in denying jobs after interviews. It seems I can still afford to be a picky fool, but I'm getting maybe dis..cour....IF I SAY IT I WONT FEEL IT. DONE. So I'm still on the up and up wearing pencil skirts to make me feel more efficient so time will tell. Have a vague game plan for this weeks climb to Mt. Success.

He is good.3

That is the only/looming thought that has so forcefully surrounded me through these couple of days. But I am definitely looking forward to the morning.

1. I think it's a 60's term, or I'd like to think but I have always wanted to oddly say that.

2. I won't be impressive but I hope to provide sweet pics.

3. Hebrews 10:22-25 dang.

I'm down

Carol: It's going to be a place where only the things you want to happen, would happen.

Max: We could totally build a place like that!

-Where the Wild Things Are

I Never Lie

Only if I think it's an important situation where the results of my lie could lets say, land you a new job, new life partner, or really just make your day. But I usually never lie, I'm good with keeping things in but making sure the sincerest ones are communicated. Thus, why I miss you, or the kinds of people I tend to miss lie within these regions:

Southern California.

You probably make me laugh.

You definitely encourage me.

You bring me up in casual conversations, even when the topic is irrelevant such as pets or household products.

You like my advice more than you come to it but it reaches you.

Your best quality rarely falls in other's moderate one.

You are involved in my favorite memories.

You challenge/d me.

You have some good priorities.

You are passionate about something, which leads me to do the same.

You are probably someone I'd love to go on a walk with again or ever.

You've listened and you've spoken to be listened by me.

You find adventure in travel or coffee conversation.

You understand my distance. Physical and/or mental.

This is who I miss.

All my arrows,

Tracy

Extreme Makeover

I'm currently in the middle of gathering documents for a job application but I wanted to write a quick blog since I will be leaving tomorrow for AZ with the College Group, aka, I should probably move onto Young and Married group or I Have Nothing Impressing Going on YET group. But it should be fun since my Pastor, Greg rented a big ol' van for about 14 of us to enjoy a nice dinner, hotel fun, then b fast. I will be back before you can think of another fitting bible group to categorize me under, but this weekend will be going by in a happy fast pace I'm sure.

So what's important to mention.

-Cleaned my room and finally set up my record player and speakers, check.

-In process of canceling Gold's and have been a member of 24 Hr for about 48 hours, and I'm seeing results.

-My room is pretty nice when it's dusted, vacuumed, polished and prepped.

-Today felt like a good job applying day. We shall see.

-Last night at D group, we went over Matthew 6. I have no idea why I don' t carve the whole book on my forearm.

-I described my state of being today to a friend as gazing up, petition, and tenacity. Another described me today as adventurous and hopeful. The point, I have good friends.

-Finishing up Mere Christianity and my notebooks are exploding with copyrighted quotes and revelations.

-Thanksgiving should be fun, and I am preparing my post school speech. So far it's an abrupt and straightforward "I am not single, I'm just not dating and teachers aren't even getting jobs you know and I've traveled four countries since early June, you?"

-I'm praying a lot.

-I really have invested a new love for fashion.

-I've written one song.

-I'm thinking about talking to a publisher about some stuff. (CANDID)

-I miss you.

Next blog will be about why I miss you.

AZ bound,

Trace

Careers & Tears

When I look at my sent outbox, I weep. I've applied for over twenty-five jobs and not one has taken interest in an outgoing, educated, cool font-picker, real good hugger, communicative girl.

This realization all comes to me at 2 a.m. I'd rather sleepwalk into my neighbors pet store they call a backyard.

So to keep my mind off these real life let downs, I dive into the world of Hulu.com. Though unhealthy for my eyes and sleeping pattern, I've found such a delight to live through characters and their world and to fully and rightfully ignore my economical broken down one.

And though this has left me sleeping at ungodly hours of the night only to wake up to another day of Craigslist.com, the holiday season and the good scarf wearing people who are in my life have unknowingly kept me on the up and up. Just last night at college group we started prep for our church's hoedown this saturday. I had a real great time. And I have to say that wasn't a world I would of ignored. But here's to hoping for the latter situation to beat and pulverize the fictional lives and experiences I so tend to gravitate towards.

To start, proof of the real good life.

Worked on this with a couple other vibrant people while a group of our boys were in the kitchen making the chili and another group of peeps were putting together a music list for the event. All in all a success for each station. But I have to say, this backdrop makes my work in '05 (Publicity ASB, raise the high school roof) look like child's play. This has consequently got me thinking, I might want to consider a career in church country event backdrop making.

We'll just have to see if the country folk will validate my new found glory, come Saturday.

Dreaming the life,

T

Party in the USA

I just woke up from my three day nap, getting over an infant cold that has ironically babysat me while I lay restless in my american based bed.

The air is how I had imagined it to be and I cannot hold down the feeling of complete glee despite my runny nose and stuffed face. I remember hating how it starts getting cold in the winter because waking up was a pain and getting out of the shower was like a mission impossible/embarrassing changing into a complete outfit in the tub situation. But going to bed makes up for these and any other excuses. Since I was a child I remember going to bed and would hear the train. It seems it doesn't matter where I go, live, or sleep, I still hear that train. Only when it starts getting cold.

Though I am finally home and catching up on sleep and conversation, there's much prayer and resume drafting to do. I am glad to catch the tail end of October for home feels so much nice when it's been neglected for a less desirable temperature and social network. But I take in the last days of this big month to prepare for what is ahead. I'm very anxious and though my sent inbox is both amusing and abundant concerning job applications, I am willing to be patient concerning all the matters of life, for I feel like it's only been a couple of days since I graduated college. Thankfully I was blessed to travel 4 different countries in 5 months and now the only thing globally abrupt that I'm meeting are the Santa Ana winds.

But I will not make haste in growing up or growing tired of this vibrant lull I am in. As of now, I am growing young since in about 2 hrs I will begin my costume change and start the make believe to honor the inner child spirited holiday, Halloween. And though the only thing that could make my day better is if Anaheim turned into a 700 person town off the coast of Maine, I find delight in this west coast nook most call Anacrime, but I call Old English Fontville-- which luckily and easily translates to definite Halloween vibes.

Looking forward to the rest of this month and it's fellow company. (Nov & Dec)

Hoping there are king-sized Kit Kats,

Cruella Deville

Vietnam the Great

I just finished breakfast at the buffet lounge and at the corner computer quickly informing my abrupt potential end of V blogs. I head to the airport in about 30 and won't have my comp with me.

Friends it has been a wild ride. I have all these lovely and rare things I want to divulge, but again, time is but a visiting friend who has many things to do and leaves me forgetting to brush my hair and teeth. I am so blessed to have experienced such a delightful gift. Seeing my roots and living in a slow and at same time face paced culture.

I'm pretty sure my mind and body can handle anything and I am hoping to be able to adjust to the average life when I get back--sticking in one place, getting a job, not getting bug bites, etc. So when I do have heaps more time, I will definitely be reflecting back on the trip with some of the greatest highlights. From what I can remember what I wanted to post was:

The stores here are funny. The names of the retail stores that is. My favorites so far are two. One men's clothing store called, Men. The other is the urban and updated store called, 2000. Anyways a hoot. Also...

all kids wear uniforms to school. I think I might want to start a private school fashion line for them. No joke. And I also think I can make a career in being a VJ on their "MTV." Srsly, the job board via America is saddening and terribly upsetting. But the good Lord, Not!

Oh and I forgot to present the good news! Goal #1 accomplished. I rode a motorbike with pops the other day. I was calm and collected. Never have I experiences arm to arm contact with my fellow traffic-ees. But I made it, calmly, praying about every other minute or so.

So off to Danang, 40 min. flight with ma. She has a big show on Sunday and is super stoked & she's never even been there so should be good. Again, get back to Saigon Monday morn and leave to U.S. via Korea that night.

All prayers are welcomed and encouraged. I look forward to friends and cleaner air, but this will be tremendously deepening for the spirit. But the Lord has some hold of this very anxious heart. Not sure where or how it wants to bounce. Ahhhhh, got to go.

I love you,
T

Miss Saigon

Going on the tour was so amazing. Again, did things I consider one of my favorite times of my life and I am so lucky to have experienced them all. The last part of our tour was set in a town that felt like Montana mixed with the civil war intertwined with the eerie feeling of a really cold winter. This place is called Sapa and it's known for the Hmong people who are natives to the little town. They solely wear traditional outfits and can be found on every corner selling you a personally knitted purse, bracelet, and/or anything else you never imagined could be knitted. The spoon purchase could of been a mistake. All in all, the sites up in Sapa were stunning. Hiked a lot. Saw a flower garden. Ate yogurt on top of a mountain. Ate grilled corn sold on the street. Slept in a mosquito floral embroidered net. Purchased potential communist style black leather boots, but that's not the point. Among these happs, I was feeling good about visiting so many places in 6 days and 7 nights, but I was about ready to return to Saigon.

Took many means of transportation to get back to the home away from home, but I got to experience an overnight sleep train to end the 18 person tour. But my deepest apologies for vaguely disregarding the details of the other eventful happs of the tour. Here I bestow illustrated treasures of some of the living spree that occurred over the last week.

Ho Chi Minhs living room (also saw his study room and bedroom--always interesting to see how leaders officials live)

First ever university. You get a stone turtle instead of a diploma or something.

The tour is in Vietnamese I remind you. Easily a spoon situation.

Canoeing (possibly a cave fav)

The woman who rowed our boat was maybe as big as my leg but was a real champ and handled her biz.

HaLong Bay. Def. a wonder.

I figured just one picture of me on the deck would suffice as a wonder.

As always more to come. But all in all, I was ready to head back to Saigon. Let me tell you, Saigon is heaps better than Hanoi, anytime you are in the neighborhood. South>North. Broad but bold I'd say I am.

The next day we didn't stop and made use of our time and headed to a little town 6 hrs away where my mom grew up. Our main goal was to visit my mom's parents grave. Upon entering her little neighborhood, which was basically a conglomerate of tree houses (really rad and surprising) we were welcomed to old neighbors/family who knew little of my mom but more of her older siblings. Still conversed and still was able to really get to know my roots. Disclaimer: all my mom's parent's families are of the Islamic faith. Real interesting. Real cool. We prayed over the tombstones, and all I could feel was Jesus during the whole visit. Real interesting. Real cool. And what kept coming to mind during this was, "where were you when I needed to conjure up my geneology tree?!"...The little town experience, not Jesus. But all in all, a huge blessing of a day.

So I'm amidst my last week in Vietnam. What the what.

The agenda?

Right now it's Tuesday night.

Tomorrow: Tennis at 6am. Tour of the President's "White House." Lunch date with pops. Dinner party with mom and her friends. After, see some live music that isn't my mom.

Thursday: Shop. Go visit the big church in the middle of the town square. Go see live music, that is my mom this time.

Friday: Mom booked a last minute and what seems to be huge deal to her, gig in Danang. I decided to go with since it's a flight and our other traveling pact is pretty much bedcity. So it's just me and ma flying a 40 min flight to the north of Saigon city. Mom tells me it's the place known for good music, so hence the big deal I now can read and get. Hang out and peruse the city til Sunday where she performs.

Monday: Fly back to Saigon, last shopping situations. Airport.

Tuesday Asia: 8 hr layover in Korea. Take a complimentary tour with the Koreans and prepare for life post anything that isn't Korean.

Tuesday America: Home. Will keep in touch with details.

Again, it's been such a blessing and I appreciate the thoughts, love and prayers. I look forward to my bed, church and you. So if there's anyway you can bring that here in a bit, great. If not, until next time.

Love,

T

I'm a tourist

I've been on a 6 day tour.

It's been really touring-ful.

I have limited time on this computer in the corner of this lobby while French people crowd around me checking their barn on facebook. (I still love them despite such tendencies)

So what to say in 2 minutes.....

I've been staying in Hanoi, flew form Saigon here, naturally, Saigon has become home away from home so I miss Saigon. Hanoi is a bit dirtier and has less delicious foods. I do though love the accent here. Up north they speak more proper, I'm trying to adopt that tendency.

Today we visited HaLong Bay, it's been proposed to be one of the world wonders. I urge you to check it out, the weather was perfect despite the rumors of rain and muck. The Lord is definitely good since today was one of the best weathered days.

Yesterday, my fav day, we took a canoe type boat and strolled..? (in a boat fashion) around this beautiful lake/ocean area where there were numerous caves. And of course we go to go in them. It was amazzzziiinng. One of my favorite moments of my life I'm guessing. Unfortunately I'm a giant and had to duck the most since there were like eroding spears of rock matter every other foot of two, but I take that genial (I hope that means what I intend it to)responsibility to witness such a work of nature, ie Jesus, ie love.

Aside from that, its been a grand time. I'm glad I found this computer in the knick of time. I hope to update again once we get back to Saigon at the end of our tour. Monday shall be the days.

To dos:
-Ride a moto, STILL.
-Have dad give me a violin or ukelele and maybe my college tuition.
-Sit somewhere like a coffee shop by myself.
-Buy things for other people. ha.
-& write more (journal style)

I'll keep you updated. Fingers crossed.
Btw, the Bible has been a steady companion each day for me, think of any verses or passages, comment or something them to me. Ok, all my love.

Rushed, but efficient,
T

It's been 1 week

Today I woke to find I indeed got bug bites from the visit to the beach.

Vietnam 1, Tracy 0.

Then I quickly got up to get ready to play some tennis. 6am leaves me not on my best game, but I've managed to get used to the time--plus its the only sane time to play because it's pretty humid/hot here. (but people actually pick up balls for us here so any complaining would bring me to a Queenish status)

After tennis the usual continental buffet breakfast followed by my first ever spa treatment. Hellooo foot massage. While I had parts of my aching body hot rocked, I enjoyed complimentary green tea and dried sweetened ginger (mMmm) Again, I can get used to this whole complimentary trip thing.

Just finished packing since tomorrow we have a 6 day tour that starts bright and early. We will be flying to Hanoi which is no more than 2 hrs then we will visit about 5-8 different islands/towns/cities. My mom is stoked, she's never been (which I find odd, but pleased to be able to experience with her) This brings me to my blog situation. I won't be as accessible as I "have been," but I urge you to let your imagination take it's course on the journey I will embark upon.

Tomorrow will mark my 1 week since leaving good ol' USA, I can't believe it. My dad tried to coax me into going to Thailand and extend my stay. I will not but the option is an attractive one. And though I never agreed to home is where the heart is, I do believe [people] is where the heart is, and 99% of my people are not in Thailand.

So here's to you faithful readers who are probably the loveliest of people. I hope October has been good to you, it has to me. Save me some fall leaves and apple spiced cider & I'll bring back a warm hug.

All my love,

Tracy

My feet hurt but my eyes are delighted

Ok, let's be earnest for a second. There has already been entirely too much happs going on since the incident we call Korea. So the blogs might vaguely be more scarce than anticipated and hoped for, but I'll do my best. Just last night, my mom and I had a convo about how it has only been 4 days and it feels like heaps of weeks. But I figure that is usually good news--more treats and meets with the city of Ho Chi Minh.

So far:

-I've had glimpses and scents that have reminded me greatly of India, pretty crazy.

-Pedestrians are brave soldiers. A fond memory was when me and ma had the afternoon to ourselves so we perused the city for some shoppage and decided to take an inconvenient giganturous round-a-bout all the while chanting in unison, "we're going to die, we're going to die," as the crossing occurred.

-I've gotten my hands on the sweetest schtuff $ can buy, quadruple times! (I WILL be featuring an illustration of my thangs)

-The food looks, smells, taste & is priced so much more satisfying than back in the U.S. It's crazy how right they are.

-$1.00 dollar=1,700 dong (roughly)/Had "3 million" in my hand the other day.

-I am bigger than everyone in this country.

-I WILL ride a honda (moto), as you are my witness.

-I'm watching HBO in my hotel room/maybe lady gaga.

-I watched ma perform the other night, she's a rockstar. Figuratively/Literally/Fondly.

-Saw pops. He is not a rockstar, haha, but it was nice to see him.

-Played some tennis which is good considering my rapid weight gain (but I'm not as worried as Italy)

-I'm speaking more Vietnamese, this bodes well for the family tree.

-Drifted in the other side of the Pacific. So warm, so lovely.

-Hiked up some steps to a famous Jesus statue as big-ish as the one in Brazil. Really neat.

-There's been some rain and some heat of mighty, but hasn't bothered me.

-I don't seem to dream here.

-I daydream a lot during car rides in the rain.

-We are going on a city tour this Tuesday for 6 days, should be a treat. (pray for good weather)

-I'm thankful for my life at home.

-But this is incredible and at most, indescribable.

More to come,

T

I've got Seoul but I'm not a Korean

Spoiler Alert: The title of my blog will be the title of my Korea photo album.

Where to begin?

The good news came to us when we arrived at LAX 3 hours prior to our take off time at 1pm, that we weren't flying until 6pm. Sweet. Thus we rejoiced in the delicacies LAX calls, food. Luckily we got 15 dollas allocated for meals on the house on behalf of Asiana. Ah, customer service/"Best Airline of 2009."

The flight was really good (praise the heavens) and the attendants were of the most attending kind--though I give most of the credit behalf on their origin (srsly, Koreans are so kind). The meals were incredible and I was able to watch about 17 movies, one which included finally, The Proposal, which I found lovely and definitely laughed aloud for about 5 minutes straight where to which my octave of laughing over powered and conquered the air vents and baby crying. A delight either way.

Upon arrival to Seoul, Korea, we quickly learn that we actually took a wrong turn to Delayed Nation and are being kept in the ever mysterious country of Korea. The next flight out? About 16 hrs later. (I would go into detail about how my mother reacted and how if Seoul airport workers could make laws for their country, their bill would propose to "Ban Carol Kim Johnson from the land of anti-loud and angry clients." Plus, it will be more entertaining if I tell in person. Haha. Oh boy#bloodpressure.

With such inconvenience we were put up in a siiick resort, which had a kitchen and three bedrooms and a living room and a korean operated touch screen system which ended up keeping me up most of the night due to its remarkable language barrier feature. Here's a pic I found online of the place (ones I took are not uploaded, YET)

Pretty much an unreal ocean view (I keep rhyming throughout my blog & I don't mean to) but I have to admit, a girl can get used to waking up to such a thing. Bed at 1:30, then woke up to what seemed about 15 minutes later at 7am for a complimentary buffet breakfast (which I have to say, if you've had Kimchi before, you haven't, because I don't know many people who've been to Korea!--it's tayyy-steee here). Then we filled our day with a walk around the industrialized part of town/went to graze the sandy water and then the most precious agenda item was upon us. My 1 hr nap.

Anyways, I'm currently back at my what seems to be the Twilight Zone, sitting patiently for our flight out to Ho Chi Minh City which takes off in a little less than 2hrs. Hooray! Should be a pretty standard not too long flight. With this set back we have had time to talk about the places we are going to eat, and places we want to visit and places to play some racquet ball, so we are pretty much amped and placed out.

Already learning though that I have accustomed myself entirely to traveling solo. Ironically, this is an adjustment and learning experience, but I feel this whole trip is exactly that.

Thanks for sticking out this long entry and for the prayers. Keep em coming (especially how I think I might have seen a handsome Asian man or two. Schnikies) ...

Best,

Traveling Tracy

Sitting on Suitcases

Currently 43% packed while watching some Mad Men. It's late Sunday night after a blissful day of the Good Lord, music making, apple cider sipping, fall candle whiffing, blanket snuggling, hot tubbing and alas, suit casing. I leave the country in about 38 hours and I am yet at the point to where I have acknowledged I am sooner than later, picking up my Traveler of the Year Badge.

With traveling comes so many mixed emotions and it's so funny to go through the motions of the human selfishness. "No stop making plans to make pie without me next weekend, you know I'll just cancel my flight to simple ol' Asia." Since October is turning out to be a beautiful weathered month, I can't help but hope when I arrive back it smells just as sweet and crisp, if not sweeter and crisper. I deserve that, dammit.

Already though I've thought about the to dos I will need to DO when I get back. But good news, I have settled my halloween costume, since I would only have two days to prep when I get back. I will disclose when I feel the time is ripe. In addition my student loans kick in soon after I arrive, thus I will use October as a victorious month of booze drinking and gambling/gold mining and horse races. If none of the following exist in the motherland, I shall come up with a plan B.

But for now, I am doing my best to focus on today, present, NOW 2009.

The agenda: Fly heaps of hours from LAX Tuesday at 1:30pm (prayers are insisted and welcome) arrive at Seoul, Korea, then fly to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I shall keep youz updated with a "About a [Vietnamese] girl," blog. So hopefully I can be faithful to such promises.

K. I. B, keepinblog,

All my American loving,

T

Writing>Netflix

I've been killing my spirit with Hollywood induced films during the last week or so. My apologies. I retaliate with one of my favorite passages from one of my beloved books, The Four Loves by Clive Staples Lewis.

Those like myself whose imagination far exceeds their obedience are subject to a just penalty; we easily imagine conditions far higher than any we have really reached. If we describe what we have imagined we may make others, and make ourselves, believe that we have really been there. And if I have only imagined it, is it a further delusion that even the imaging has at some moments made all other objects of desire—yes, even peace to have no more fears—look like broken toys and faded flowers? Perhaps. Perhaps for many of us, all experience merely defines, so to speak, the shape of that gap where our love of God ought to be. It is not enough. It is something. If we cannot “practice the presence of God it is something to practice the absence of god….”

My mind wanders and I spend most of my days intrigued by scrapped notes I've jotted down before and after other thoughts that infiltrate my steady concentration. My mind is often distracted by what my mind would rather be distracted with and I can't help but feel guilty at the end of the day. During the process I'm simply in a bliss of dreams, made up of all my favorite colors and people with my favorite conversational topics being conversed about set in scenes only people from Pottery Barn and Anthropologie dream about. I think a lot and Mr. Lewis doesn't help much in that department, but he makes a point or seven nonetheless.

I don't think I'm retaining the experiences that have made me a real life and refined person. Maybe not entirely, but not even to an honest degree. I'd hate to think I'm digging this abyss worthy gap for my life. I'm not sure how to go about reshaping and I have a feeling this will take time. But without the gap, no transition, change and realization can occur--that I can be presently mindful of anyways. So we wait (my thoughts & I/God!).

But here's to toys that work.

High as a kite,

Tracy

LUKE[22:16]WARM

I'm particular and maybe even peculiar in how I like my foods and drinks according to their temperature. Cold pizza frightens me and I get overly upset when my splash of soy fused Americano doesn't burn my tongue because it's requested to be scolding hot. I'm not sure if my taste buds have much life in them but I am still able to taste the distinct flavor of broccoli, so I think we are good on behalf of the latter issue.

I get coffee often, so the temperature of my beverage is a constant issue. My faith on the other hand is not as handy as a paper cup or as locally convenient. Reading Luke, I'm reminded how faith and food are beautifully correspondent to each other, like green on Starbucks--they are near and dear friends. Like the wine to your bread or the Kanye to your low self-esteem; complimentary.

Luke 22:16 provides: ¹⁶For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God."

We took Communion this last Sunday and the tradition has been pretty active presently as both a topic and practice. I enjoy taking it literal. Call it a creative way to meet Him, or an absurd way, both can find me as it's responsive counterpart. I don't take myself too seriously--though a learned practice, but I can't express how much I enjoy the baby sized portions that have been sanctified to ultimately purify. Thus I'm reminded to have lukewarm faith should be something I'm particular and peculiar with. It should be something I refuse to request, feed and fulfill myself with and I should be upset when it doesn't scold my spiritual flesh that has been crafted by the Lord's relentless love, sacrifice.

I don't want to eat or drink until I am able to recognize and live out the Kingdom of God.

My goal?: to read the Word more specifically, to love at the highest degree, to forgive with a fierce humility and to live with the utmost passion, so that even at my most tepid circumstances, I can feel fire through my fingertips. Not because I altered it, but because it has been done by Him, for me.

Old thoughts, same girl.

Looking back at my old journal entries, I consider myself such a BJ* It's funny how much a person can change in one year, one month, one day. I find my emotions are altered so easily from a simple "hi," to a really sapster** song. People have managed to do a toll on my life's coaster but the good part is some have managed to ride with me. But still it's life's happenings that make writing so purposeful and prophetic. It's been neat to see my entries start to progress into a steady rhythm & I found it usually sounds like an ***Arcade Fire song--slow, intriguing, then stress building, then stressful, chaotic, then really happy, and alas calm and peaceful. Then repeat. But I'll take it. So, as I was looking through old writings and stumbled upon an over a year, piece of thought.  I contend to each word wholly. 

Brought to life on January 18, 2008

When new lives are introduced,

And there's no way you can refuse

We’re brave still to say yes,

Because a good can become a best.

So I’ve made my way home

& Acquired the temporary taste of alone,

But perhaps only to reflect--

That pretty things don't have to be done yet.

And if this new chemistry becomes filled with ifs and buts,

I’ll fix it myself & travel all the hours and minutes.

*big joke 

** sad songs that are cool and trendy. 

***check out "Keep The Car Running."

Off to listen to Coldplay or something, 

Tracy

Why Russia is da bomb

A good conversation starter is hands down, claiming you have two adoptive Russian siblings. Consequently, one of my good pals have the glorious blessing to never be in an awkward social setting. My reaction of this news was jealousy, then hatred. Spoken like a true Russian lover. I was curious to what size fur hats they wore and how they sounded when they count off to ten. Regretfully I was informed they have been proudly "red white & blued,' so the only accent present is from their lovingly mocking sister/my pal. But let me tell you, being re-exposed to Russian culture was like finding an old friend, after the Cold War. 

I've come to realize, the Russians contribute a lot. For instance...

• Accents: It's like a threatening/superior version of an English accent which makes it twice the fun. Little did most of my friends know, perfecting the accent takes about half a car ride to Seattle from San Diego. Ve are now known as mahther kuntree dayvuls.
• Babushkas: both a traditional family elder AND a mini russian wooden carved doll in a larger one, in a larger one, in a larger one and in an even larger one--just tickles my natural order of things, fancy. 
• Communism: Creative country name changing can make a difference. If you can dream it you can do it attitude is finally instilled in the world. 
• Biographical Type Cartoon Villains: Bor Bor & Tash forever. Later Rocky & Bullwinkle, we never sided with you because you're a bunch of  thwarting plan killers. 
• Regina Spektor: Red haired and a musical genius. Did you know she grew up in Moscow until about the age of 6. When I first heard her, I felt the distinct cultural glimmer of singing words entirely incorrect in English. Should of known by the way she said "bowwwwwn," (born) and "payyyyaayyyyyyges." (pages)

Truth be told,  history is a tragic old friend and it's time to make new ones. People I've encountered that have been to Russia tend to stick to the same color shade when describing the mother country--grey. This makes me ironically sad AND feel old, worn. I hope to someday visit this treacherous yet intriguing land. Should make up for any future travel lulls I'm certain.

Until then, reconnect, watch some cartoons, listen to some music & fight the good fight.  

Raising my whiskey and letting go of the war, 

T

Left Coast teaser & audience pleasers

This time in my life, I've tried to over dramatize every interest and activity I do. So far I've started on my 16th century romance novel, essays derived from my meek dating life, and a fiction about how hard it is to say, " hi" to the opposite sex. 

That being way fun and all, I have spent a lot of my free time thinking up what I could do that doesn't include a wage or tip. And since my passion for traveling has hit a lull, my recent light bulb is become a better blogger. By better I don't mean my blogs, but perusing the world of blogs that have provided me with such input and creativity.  For now, my way of contributing to that vast world is to utilize the blogger tools/at least the "Bold" button more often. Here is my first vague attempt. Posting photos, though amateur, I hereby insert photos of lands I just visited that has become more of a soul stir-er and less of a heart slayer. 

Ah, the good ol' Northwest. We ran to the Oregon sign because it said "Oregon," unbeknownst to us, it was 40 degrees hotter via outside the car, so our escapade lasted a solid, "I hate Oregon, take the picture." But the state was refreshing and the nice light sprinkles of rain also sprinkled temporary joy. Washington on the other state was hotter than anticipated. Second time around Seattle, I was weirded out by my wardrobe difference, it was joyous to have my hair fly free, and I only cried for no reason twice this time. 

Never have I ever taken a road trip and it turned out to be one of the best experiences. Unfortunately this is an interest I cannot repeat as easily as a persuasive and moving blog entry. Thus my surrendered but satisfied declaration of blogdom aspirations. So there.

For now I leave you to linger with my filling two photos and tell me which outfits you like better or scenic background, etc. 

Leaving you more impressed than disappointed, eventually, 

T

I Don't Wanna Row Up

If I could get away with being a Post Grad girl at the age of, how old is she? 31? (she's actually 28, but same thing) then I would bask in the easiness of sharing pants with my 3 best friends and falling in love left and right in the ocean and probably on land. But since I am far from it (not the falling in love part) I spend most my days contemplating which route is best to diverge my roads--mainly because I want to maintain my education by living through any or all Frost-ian declarations.  

But this is hard. And all you've heard is true once out of the nest:

-"College is so easy and fun, stay as long as you can!"

-"I can't believe I'm already graduated from school, time flies."

-"I'm just still figuring out who I am, let alone what I want do do with my life." 

-"Community will be a sweet sound to your Alumni ears." 

-"Free caf food is tighttt."

-"Super hero bowling is a fun idea."

So here I am able to finally take a glimpse of my surroundings detailed and closely. When you are within the tornado of education and caf lunch dates, it's hard to examine life at its rawest around you, because what is around you is the most comfortable and cozy couch you've ever laid your body & eyes on. So being able to see fellow people my age and at my resume level, it's difficult to find them all in different types of boats. A marriage canoe here, a grad school sailboat there and a traveling rowboat everywhere, it's hard to determine which means of transportation I envy, reject, and admire. The old wise saying of, "time will tell,"will forever be the most unoriginal and correct saying anyone could ever offer me, and I take it daily with a smile, then turned smirk. 

So it's safe to say I will be blogging about no more Europe, or the heart and how much it wants to be swimming in the sea of bliss, but I'm hoping I could offer some insight to how change itself can change you, me, we.  It's only been 3 months since my upgrade and already the  signs are showing a majority in favor of a Point Loma Alumni's Way o' Life:

-Travel to teach: Check 

-Travel: Check

-Wondering how I can get into caf for food: Check

-Engagement: Niente

-Go to heaps of weddings within 8 months: Check

-Apply to work at a coffee ish job for the time being: Check

-Work at non-profit: Niente

-Go to grad school: Niente

-Consider grad school 5+ times: Check

-Panic about student loan payments: Check

-Notice smaller social circles while being at home: Check

There it is, the awaited changes that have challenged me, that have made my head ache, and that have made my antsy heart wait on what lies over the rainbow we call the first year or two or three after college. 

Stay tuned for revelations and updates on the check marks & failed marks. 

Your semi faithful blogger but always faithful friend, 

Tracy

Juvenile Fiction

Do not judge a book by it's cover...especially The Shack, because if I would of known the Lord God Almighty came into form of an African [W]oman, I would of never turned down the 5'2 guy with slicked back hair asking me, "what's the plan tonight?" But that hobby itself has lent itself credibility in the department of life skills. 

1. I do not judge others merely because lame-oh buzzed concert going guys don't need to be a musician if the manage to not slur and remember my name ..

2. I am now officially the best lip reader and 

3. I can successfully flee a stage one clinger which can be characterized as stealth. But I refrain and continue to my point. Books.

Reading has become a more common guest in my home recently. And I've realized that though my days know nothing besides post graduate self identity destruction and career paths, I choose to waste away my youth with lasses such as Jane Austen and lads like C. Lew and I can't help but wonder, how would it be to have such a presence answering "two packs of sugar please," when I clearly have only given them one too many because I'm simply too damn nervous they are drinking coffee with me. To enjoy the actual presence of a classic love in nonliterary form would be the day I stop reading to concoct a counterpart. To stop waiting for a response to my thoughts. My current tendency is reading of love. But I am apt to find certainty that such words and diction are merely ordinary and inadequate for the reader. 

Back on rickety track, 

T

Heart at home

Last weekend was spent in the lovely Pear-ree (thats how you have to say it). Got in Saturday night and spent Sunday and Monday walking all around the lovely city. From our hotel, one can see the Eiffel. This is how our trip went (Me & my pal Ginny)

Saturday: got in at 11pm. Hitched a bus ride from airport to Paris. Metro to my niece's hotel where she was coincidently staying at for a summer class. Went to bed at 3 am on a snug twin bed with Ginny in a room that smelled like college students and their partying beverages.

Sunday: showered. cafe for breakfast, coffee and baguette. then ventured and had a picnic by the Eiffel. Walked and visited Notre Dame, Latine quarter and the Arc. Saw shops. First nutella e banane crepe, it was as big as my face. Dinner at a lovely sushi restaurant. Walked from noon to 8pm. bed at 11pm.

Monday: woke up and went for a run around Paris. Then ran to a bakery for some bfast. Started our sightseeing at Moulin Rouge, then made our way to the Louvre. Hey Mona Lisa. Then more shopping sights and more walking. Walked from noon to 8 pm again. Schnikies. Wanted crepes for dinner, but couldn't find the magical street with 8 crepe places in a row. Indian food will do. Then bought fruit for dessert. man stared at us while we picked fruit. glared at us when we touched it, then followed by squeezing it. Im certain we couldnt even look at it.

Hellday: woke up at 4 30 am to catch a 4 50 taxi to the bus station. Bus from 5:30 to 6:45am, then plane from 8:30 to 9:30. Bus from airport to train station, 10:00am to 1030, then metro to bus to home from 11:00 to 12:30 pm.

My last day i spent with my host family hanging out, playing wii with my brother and watching harry potter with my sister. Left early wed for my flight that left at 10 in the morn. Its currently thursday 3:55pm, Italy is almost 1am, friday.

Stoked to be finally home, I'm over airplanes for a while, and just enjoying this California sun. my pictures will be up so wait for me my loves.

This is kind of a power post, but know im glad to be here and glad to have you come along with me on my travels.

All my love,

Rested Tracy

10 days & Paris

Last week of camp.

Paris this Saturday.

home the following Wednesday.

i fear im getting obese and have been running every other day in the Milano heat.

i love friends here and there, and thankfully here since im...here.

i cant believe its almost over.

i need to come back soon to visit the obvious places of Italy i didnt go to yet.

im young so this is a great beginning, crap resume when i get back.

im almost quadro...lingual. but not really, but almost.

no romance on the mind here, bravisima.

i miss my mommas warm embrace.

i need home food stat.

car, im coming.

hopeCCA, see you next Sunday.

sorry theres no proof of my stay in Italy via pictures...YET.

i love you.

Basta pasta

So Im currently in the home of my new host family who coincedently has lived in San Diego for about 5 years. wtf, tight. turns out they are pretty americanized and speak pretty dang good english. couple of hints of, this will be a good thing for the next two weeks:

-"Tracy, we kept your soy milk in the fridgerator."
-Their two kids go to sleep before I do, so before ten pm and not midnight.
-They have screens on their windows leaving me with 1, and mosquitos 0.
-When i say i want one scoop of pasta, they usually let me slide.
-They watch and encourage me to watch Fox news in English and BBC, brill.
-I live literally 5 minutes walking from the school.

The lists goes on and on, so I must point out how blessed ive been to end on such a good family. They live about 20 minutes from downtown milan so im pretty much in the city. The camp has been good and my camp is extremely quaint and nice. There are some terrors but they are not in my class. So i will be at this camp until the 18th and unfortunately i was unable to extend my ticket because Student Universe is made up of unhelpful and adventure constraining people. So the plan is this:

Go to Florence this weekend.

Paris the last weekend.


Thy will, Jesus.

So basically that is the life of Tracy as of now. Im waiting on the moment i should spend some dollars on some legitimate leather and clothing, but i have yet to wait for that pinnacle of my decline of monetary funds. I hope it works out. I literally left my fate to the gods concerning my length of stay here, but it looks like July 22nd will be a holy day. I miss home but when in Rome eh? Ive yet to post an America vs. Italy post, so stay tuned. As for now I will continue this random ass journey of teaching children why you cant say "a apple," and why children shouldnt have two course meals white carbs for lunch.

Sending all my desperate and anxious and adventurous and travelsome heart to you,

Tracy

Record Label

It is official, I have become an award-winning childrens song singer and game coordinator. It is so interesting how i have immersed myself in these camps that i have resulted in becoming that campy person, who sings High School Musical songs in the microphone with children who think Zac Efron is indeed Italian and gets frustrated when 4 foot one Luca tags her in capture the flag and gets more than a normal dose of rage. I am approaching my 5th week in Italy and third week of camps, and its is safe to say i am getting use to this whole tutor-children-new life, thing.

My current two weeker is a good one. The family i am with is awesome, kind of quirky but what Italian isnt? I get to stay here with another tutor who is a returning tutor. Thank the heavens she is rad, because we basically work and live together. Shes from Oregon and kind of very hilarious and we are in to the whole, lets not eat pounds of pasta and not exercise thing, so this bodes well for me. Also her bday is this monday (its been neat to be able celebrate each others birthday together far from home, ya know?) so this weekend smells like a good one.

The sitch(so one can understand the org im working for): after this camp ends, nobody knows where they will be sent. (I was in bassano, now im in padova--opportunities endless). My problem is should i stay here longer and work more and travel more? should i stick to the plan and not maybe meet more cool families and friends? should i just live in paris forever? questions left and right, so im currently arm wrestling with lifes options, but its a fun match. We will see.

So its currently saturday morning and i am off to the markets. Tonight we are going to a party in a castle where there is dinner, vino, and cool peeps. Its supposed to be at this old historical piece of huge ass land so im excited to see what little Italy has to show me. Tomorrow we might go to venice, then off to my first discotec(sp?) for Ginnys bday.

So life is getting better, but my current circumstance is ideal. good camp, good kids, good host fam, good friends, etc. things can change either way, but im praying for the best. Also, im learning heaps and heaps of things about myself, the good Lord, and others. its sooooooo amazing to be seeing change actually developing.

My next blog i think i will talk of the things i have learned in Italia. Stay tuned children.

-mama T

p.s thanks for all the love. know its right back at you with haste.

Life list

By the time i turned22, i accomplished a life list-er--teach english.

I cant believe its been three weeks since ive been in italy. I cant believe I have taught english to children! those of you who know me, I expect gold with my name on it.

So this passed week, I taught at a camp of thirty kids. Me and two other tutors ran it. Each camp has a camp director who helps us out (watches the kids during recess, etc) Our camp in Bassano del Grappa had kids in the yellow, orange and red group. This means the ages were 6-7, 8-9, and 9-10. Tracy here decided to go with the babies of the group. Its very interesting teaching Italian bambinis english when all they do is speak in italian. But all in all, i had some cuties(again, pictures will make haste as soon as it reaches the pacific side of the world).

So first camp down, and i feel much better going into another one. On monday, i swear i wanted to quit and leave and just live poorly and freely in Poland. But now things are looking and feeling real. Yesterday was my bday and I spent it with my host family alongside with the families of my fellow bffs (we are eachothers lives for the next umteen weeks) we had delish pizza, and after, us three headed to the downtown piazza. Had drinks, laughter and walked home in the warm rain. It twas a good day. And having you all message me via technology was an added pretty plus.

Im off to the train station in a bit. The three of us(Ginny & Vinny) are going to Padova for a two week camp. This time the kids are a bit older (WHEWFF) So new host family and new location and new camp. Life is crazy and appreciate all thoughts and prayers. I dont know what i pressed to make this bold and italicized, but know i miss yous all greatly. Ill do my best to keep up on the blogging (hopefully i will have internet next house)

All my twenty-two year old loving,
Ms. Le

Raising kids & myself in Italy

After day two, tutoring has gotten better. The quick rundown:

-Im teaching 6 year olds english who dont know anything. tight.
-Me and two other tutors basically run the camp of 30 kids.
-After school each day me,Vinny and Ginny ride our bikes to the piazza for aperitivo (wine & chips)
-I love my Italian family
-I think I am up for being fluent in Italian.
-Our camp theme is Harry Potter. heyy.
-Espresso, yes.
-Ive made sweet friends from around the world(canada, austrailia, NY, etc)
-I miss home but dont want to go back.


All my love seriously,
the conundrumous T

Ciao Venice

So I finally know where my life will be for the week, Venice. Specifically a place called Bassano del Grappa. I will be teaching with just two other tutors at a small camp of 30 kids. chill. I am staying with a host family who have three little girls. crazy but dang cuties. Its so interestingto see my surroundings. Italian culture is so lovely. Ive met some amazing people from all around the worls through the camp organization and through people i meet on the street.

I start teaching tomorrow so im nervous but excitedat the same time. Youknow me, loving the new and vaguely stressful atmosphere. but literally Im so stoked to be here. This is a one week camp so I dont know where Ill be next week until thursday, we kind of live by the seams of our pants..i think thats correct.

My bday is this friday, so its weird not being at home with peeps, but I have a feeling it will def. be an original day. at our camps we also prepare our kids for a final show..a play type thing they put on the last day of camp for their family and friends (this happens to land on mybday) so im so stoked to see how that turns out and how much an 8 year old can remember. ha.

food is good and overly given so I will probably walk back home from italy. the language is amazing and I hate myself for being a spanish ish speaker, but im trying, and living here for a week might help since little Linka speaks to me in Italian only and doesnt realize i onlyspeak english.

Im off to mass with the fam, and then lunch at the dads (luciano) moms house. I will do my best to keep you darlings posted. thanks for the thoughts and prayers!

all my amore,
T

what the italy

Friends, I made it. It's been two weeks and I'm currently sitting on a stoop in front of a store that will open in like 8 minutes so excuse my mess.I got here last last Sunday, so it's almost two weeks now. First week we did tutor training and met tons of people, though the days were long, we got hooked up with a hotel and free bfast, lunch and dinner. Me and Court made some good friends despite some interesting people.

After the first week of orientation, a bunch of us were asked if we preffered to be put on hold (since not all summer camps have started yet and there are mas tutors then camps currently) Long story short, about 25 of us have been staying in a place called Bairdo up in the freaking hills! At lunch time we can see the french alps and we are stayin in like medieval cobble stone cottages. It's really quaint, though tiny and made for 5 foot zero people.Today is wed. so on mon-tuesday about 8 of us went to Cinque Terre! Finally I know what the hail everyone is talking about. We basically did 4 towns in like 8 hours. and finished the next day. It was sooo beautiful and my evertything hurts right now. We wanted to camp but had some miscommunication and ended up stayin in a hostel that used to be a hospital. CREEPY. but first hostel and it was a success!Got back to Bairdo last night and here I am back in town...San Remo (where thers like internet, stores, food, etc since B is a countryside with nothing really)

So bad news bears, Court and my new pal Linds got put together at a camp down south on the coast. I'm currently being a brat and not understanding lifes situations. See with this ACLE program, people get placed in different camps. I guess one is lucky to go with a friend to one, which is stupid (long story on the ethics of org, but its nothing too tragic) So they leave tomorrow night. I have made some other pals, but you know life...I'm waiting for God here. It's kind of difficult, but oh He's a creative on.Basically I wont' know wher I will be teaching until like two days from now. My birthday is next friday. I will do my best to be in the best of spirits haha. Whereever I end up, it's going to be in italy, so I';m already blessed. so know I know that but sometimes i dont. haI miss you all. pics soon. Pray for me. I miss a lot, but im in freaking Italy. sorry for the poor blogging. Store opening soon.

and they lived happily ever after

There is an occasion where two people find their counter part in each other that we call a wedding. & since I have been prepped properly for the seasons of weddings, I cannot help to see my role as a guest plus none to be one of observing and studying. 4 weddings so far have been the culprits to reshaping my view of dancing to Journey, personal vows & "magical"/uniquely dependent feelings. 

The photos below have provided me to allow the natural force of public love to influence me beneficially from it's own platform and to apply to my reshapage of views. A photo is worth a thousand words but these ones only use the few good ones. And I am learning, that is fine.

Here are some words that highlight these loves at their most glorified moments--prepped and/or candid:

Beautiful | Best Friends

    

         

         The Lord's bride

         

First Love | Rejoice

Prayer | Intimacy

     

I like what I see. 

I do, 

Tracy

I Do Recall

"And then God reminded me I'm wholly unimpressive on my own--and I was neither surprised nor disparaged to hear it."

Blessing for the Graduates

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

 

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

 

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

 

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

 

May the Blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sustains, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forevermore.  Amen.

life in living room

Tonight I was able to unwind in someone's home listening to consequently, Starbucks' debut CD entitled, "Unwinding," where there was conversation that took place over a meal of creamy maranara pasta and cheese & crackers, on whether being independent is something that fends off men or attract them. 

With the opposite sex as the primary topic, there I was, in a room beside one 40 yr. old beautiful and successful woman, another woman, 22 who shares the same values. Singleness it seemed, became a topic that no one but us three could understand. In the living room with coffee and concern about our minor and major self-worths and obtrusive dreams, truth was spoken and I don't think I've ever experienced such a delightful heaviness. 

Friends are so pertinent to my everyday capabilities of moving through the hours, that it seems impossible I get up in the morning without any prior contact or warning. It's interesting to have other people reveal truths about you. Though it goes straight to the heart, it also swells it so dang well. Friends are a necessity. 

I guess this past week, it's been neat to experience sadness from both ends of the marital spectrum. I think it's when we are down we can all finally relate, and I guess that is why I like being down purposefully 60% of the time.  And this is merely a tangent, because I am by no means down, but I'm heavy. I don't know whether it's the kinks I need to progress in fixing and healing or if it's the kinks in others that I spend my grandiose time on focusing that has got me walking much slower these days, but I am heavy. 

But all the more, I am beloved. 

Today

I am often alone and seldom [invariably] lonely. 

Peter Piper Picked Peppers

Present Prayers & Petitions. 

Sometimes the easiest things to do are are the hardest things to say.  

So What If There Are No Flowers

"Those like myself whose imagination far exceeds their obedience are subject to a just penalty; we easily imagine conditions far higher than any we have really reached. If we describe what we have imagined we may make others, and make ourselves, believe that we have really been there. And if I have only imagined it, is it a further delusion that even the imaging has at some moments made all other objects of desire—yes, even peace to have no more fears—look like broken toys and faded flowers? Perhaps. Perhaps  for many of us, all experience merely defines, so to speak, the shape of that gap where our love of God ought to be. It is not enough. It is something. If we cannot “practice the presence of God it is something to practice the absence of god….”

Here I Am, Act Accordingly

There are an X number of hearts beating at the same time but at a different palpation. Sometimes I wish every heart could could sing its favorite song.  I would walk down the street I can hear all sorts of authentic and personal symphonies. The amount of pain and joy a person can feel is alone a raw fact, but to have two beings feel the exact opposite at the same time is the most magnificent wonder. 

Why you ask? My guess is the whole, "Love Thy Neighbor," scenario. What better position to be in, when the person next to you is likely in the spot that you are not. Life is about making a choice. Look at the core of the Christian faith --He chose to die on the cross. It wasn't a simple death, but it was a simple answer--for Him. So the fact his heart had a what I'd like to believe victorious lyric, I'm curious to think  how the various hums marching left and right of Him went, and how they were probably not anything like His. But it worked out beautifully. 

I am learning that beats are all different, but the message is usually the same: here I am, act accordingly. I have a rough time not being on the same page as people, because I have this thing where I have to... for lack of a better word, probe them to see how they really are. Which is ironic because I hate when people ask how I am (in reality I want them to ask "How's your walk?" "Have you been writing ?" or "What's the Lord saying to you lately?" I digress. 

Thank the heavens we aren't always at the same place and similar pages don't matter. But we should feel hopeful there is someone who can understand, whether they are beside us, behind us or in front of us. And if you are open to it, there is someone who could even read some of their pages. So I choose to step when you abstain, for the pure sake of listening to a different tune. 

Whole heartedly yours, 

Trace

24

school days until GRADUATION.

Panickly submitted, 

Ms. Le