It's the first and not the first time

The winding down of things. Such a natural and emotional occasion we rarely are properly dressed for. I feel the good Lord likes to save up all those coupons of 'happenings' for the end event sometimes. Nothing like a good shake on the shoulders before I begin my new ride to prepare me for what has been done before but will not be done the same. And since life is a huge literary metaphor and/or irony, I actually do have a new ride. Long story short, though I cannot afford school, traveling, or even an original sized Jamba, I may now be able to fit 4 friends and not 3 in my new coupe de random. 

One could see, this summer is filled with conundrums and revelations.  For instance, I've recently learned the emotion that I'm really fond of is to miss--which I find fitting for the summer of distance, longing, and dreaming. I had a conversation with a good guy pal on it and in hopes he didn't think I was too frilly, I quickly defended my belief system before he could prevail in tearing it all down with my imagined sneer and gruff. Against what seemed to be all odds, he agreed. And he even put the best two cents in by modestly noting "It's what makes us human."  Honestly, I got to say I couldn't tell you exactly what he meant at the time, but I knew exactly how I felt. But I had to expand more on this 'miss.' 

To miss someone is to yearn and ache for their presence. 

To wonder of how their experiences without you made them see the world. 

To hope the reality they saw made no sense because they couldn't see pass their daydreaming of you. 

How does that not hoop and holler sadness?  But then again, during my questioning I came to think, doesn't it take the slightest amount of sadness to want a lot of happiness? I know I've learned that this summer o' growth/friendships/love/trust/hopes/challenges/ has put into perspective how adament the human spirit is on being well. 

Thus the conundrums and revelations. The conuntions. 

To add, this summer I've concocted some type of impervious charm that has given me the confidence to be ridiculous, to be impassable upon people and things I encounter to potentially tear me down. To willingly admit when I'm wrong, to be bold when I'm certain to be overlooked, to be completely vulnerable when I already have a good handful of pride saved, and to say words like sneer and gruff with a straight and confident face. I guess I'm digging this shvitz I'm on and I want to invite you to hop in my corolla and see the way I have learned to see and understand for just a moment. And despite the message of, "thou shall want to miss," I encourage you to not miss out on this open invitation.

Conundrumingly this all makes sense. 

Missing you, 

T

To see my car, go to:

 http://autos.yahoo.com/2008_toyota_corolla_s_5_spd_mt-slideshow/?  tab=gen&i=exrrpass75&a=all#imgs

 

For definition of Impervious Charm,

 See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spells_in_Harry_Potter